Eldoran (sir_eldoran) wrote,

You see, some of the main problems with contacting alien races we have, lies in the simple fact that we fail to step away from out medieval understanding of The Galaxy and the laws which surround it. It took as several centuries to realise that earth is not the centre of The Universe, and that the earth quite simply isn't flat. Some would still argue that it's a strawberry flavoured hexagon, but they are few. Although our knowledge of The Universe had greatly increased, we're still far away from truly realising our place in it. You see, our failure to understand lies so deep in our nature, that we simply can't accept the idea, that most of the universe isn't 3D. In fact, we earnestly believe, that we occupy the first, second and third dimensions, while the truth is, that what we consider as the first, is actually second, the second is 4th and the third is 8th, which is considered a waste dimension and unsuitable for any intelligent life. High standards are no unique to us alone. The first dimension is reserved for broadcasts, however at this point nobody really knows what the broadcasts are supposed to be, or who reserved the dimension in the first place. Since nothing of value was ever found there, with the exception of two rather dirty golf balls. The golf balls are believed to have shifted dimensions on July 20, 1969 earth time, when a rather stupid creature from a surveillanced underdeveloped planet, accidentally managed to get aboard the surveillance ship and swing them into one of the camouflage generator engines. Fortunately - no major damage was done, and mission was uninterrupted.

The dimensions themselves acquired their numbers not by accident, but by long and extensive research in one of the laboratories on K'luch in the Jhi'Rakl sector. It took a group of highly skilled scientists several years to systematize the dimensions, and they couldn't have done it without the new devices, which were recently developed by their colleagues in another department. Most of the information on the devices is top secret, but we can be certain that there were two. The first one was a rather bulky piece of equipment. It resembled a metallic box with an opening in it. It's function was to consume the heat energy from the contents inside and release it into the surroundings. The other one looked quite similar, although it was quite a bit smaller. It functioned by emmiting a yellow glow onto the things put inside it and accelerating the movement of particles in them, thus increasing their temperature. An uneducated observer might have though that the devices were a fridge and a microwave, but the development team denies such foolish acquisitions. Unfortunately for us - why exactly the devices were not a fridge and a microwave is considered a government secret and protected by the military. The research itself was commissioned by the Ankar'la corporation, which was planning to release a universal source of standardized information on the universe. Countless sources of information were already available on the market, but a standardized one was never before released, and believe me, when it comes to comparing sea-miles per fortnight to kashiks per basaluk, even the most patient sentient beings didn't get away with anything less than a very serious headache. The source of information was never released however, at least not in full volume. The research on dimensions, dark antimatter and the importance of casual sex in a working environment and macroeconomics was done perfectly, but the problem arose when it came to the measurement system. You see, it simply wouldn't be right to take an existing system, because someone would already be holding the copyright. Therefore, the corporation decided to invent their own, and gave the task to their Creative Arts and Marketing divisions. It would be incorrect to say that the whole thing just didn't work out, in fact the thing was a total disaster, which eventually cause the corporation to go bankrupt before the final release. It would take a lot of time to explain all the stupid new concepts, which were developed, starting from rewindable time with adjustable speed, which destroyed the concept of time by itself to what the team chose as a measurement of length. The eyewitnesses, who survived the encounter with what was chosen for the standard of length quite simply never fully recovered from the shock and lived the rest of their lives in a state of vegetables, refrozen several times. When the system of measurements was undergoing the field tests, an attempt at measuring the speed of a still object moving backwards in time in one dimension and forward in the other resulted in a structural collapse on a particle level of pretty much everything, led to a chain reaction and in the end annihilated a medium size solar system. Fortunately - nobody got hurt.
Tags: gibberish
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